Friday, August 15, 2014

I heard you! The most requested topic is here in my new E-Book!

For more than 14 years I have been answering questions posed by parents and caregivers in regards to their babies, toddlers, children and teens. What was the #1 question most asked? Yes, it was how to get my baby, toddler, child or teen to go to bed on time!

After posting the same answer for many years it crossed my mind it was time to start writing a series of E-books on the topics most asked. Here is the first of many e-books to come.

Click here for a  Hassle Free Bedtime! 

Don't have a Kindle? You don't need one!
Click her to get the FREE Kindle Apps so you can read on ANY DEVICE! 

Sleep deprivation is no joke. Sleep deprivation can affect your mood, health and performance. You deserve the best possible interactions with those you love. It is challenging to interact with your loved ones when you are running on empty everyday! You also deserve to feel your best. If you can't give to yourself how can you possible give to anyone else. You deserve to be safe. Ever gone into the zone when you are driving? Your life and the life of your loved ones can be in danger when  you are sleep deprived.

All of these apply for the one you love and care for too! Your baby/child/teen deserves a full nights rest too! Every night our bodies and mind benefit from the time that we sleep. Research indicates we can not "catch up" on our sleep. We do not make up for the nights we did not get sleep. The body is biologically wired to reset itself during the hours after 10:00 p.m. at night. Both you and your loved one deserve the best sleep possible.

The strategies I suggest in this book are good for our loved ones and for ourselves! Enjoy!

Dr. Mary Kay Keller

Monday, July 21, 2014

Been betrayed? Broken heart?

The hardest thing to do when you have been betrayed is to take the focus off of the other person. We ask ourselves how could they do this to me? Then we move to what did I do wrong questions? The first step to healing is to realize that sometimes people are really good at doing what works for them. Self Centered people will get what they want regardless of who it hurts. Often targeting people who are kind, loving and trust to easily. It is this deadly trio that makes a person a target. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being kind or loving. Keep those and don't let a bad experience shut that down. It is the too trusting part that usually is the key to weeding out people who are not good for you.

TRUST and RESPECT are not to be freely given. Both need to be earned. The bigger your heart is, the more effort needs to be required to earn your respect and your trust. Only you can be the guardian of all that is wonderful about you!

What can you do to see these love predators coming at you? 

1. Listen to your inner voice. Most people retrospect on something early on in the relationship that gave them cause to question the other person but shrugged it off. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is not what you need to do when giving someone access to your heart.  Investigate! Call them out and ask them what that one thing was all about and do it early not later. 

2. Believe people when they tell you who they are! Men and women call me and ask me if their significant other is going to commit or do I think they are cheating on them. Each time they admit the person told them they didn't see themselves committing to a relationship or staying with one person. They were being TRUTHFUL so believe them. 

3. Watch and listen to your dates. Watch how they treat the staff that serves them. If they see servers as people or just part of the background noise. No one deserves to be dismissed or minimized, NO ONE! 

How do they talk about others. Someone who talks trash about others is an insecure person with not much going on in their own life. They are dissatisfied with themselves. No one takes energy and pleasure out of other people's flaws and shortcomings unless they are so focused on other people they are paying little attention to their own spiritual growth. You will find a trail of disaster in their past relationships always! 

4. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to how YOU feel when you are with this person. Do not monitor how they feel about you. It doesn't matter. If you pay close attention to how you feel about them in a moment to moment basis. Notice if you often feel confused or conflicted by what they say to you. Your brain takes in non-verbal communication and processes it unconsciously and your hears and your heart hears what is being said. Verbal and non-verbal communication need to match up authentically. People with good hearts get distracted by their own internal dialogue over riding their instinct to survive. It works like this- he or she says something that feels really uncomfortable to you. Your inner guidance system says, "Wow! Where did that come from. What is happening here?" Your Heart responds with, "Well they didn't mean that, I know they are not that person." Or "Well that's too bad but everyone has a moment or two. I shouldn't be so quick to judge. We all have off days." See those remarks are excusing some one else bad behavior. Let them own their behavior. That benefit of the doubt is what gets us all into trouble. NO BENEFIT of the DOUBT when you are allowing someone into your heart! Follow up like a detective and get to the bottom of it. Become your own investigator and get answers until every fiber in your being says I am now okay. Remember PAY ATTENTION to how you feel when you are with someone. Not about how they feel, their feelings are their business. Travel in your own lane and most likely you will be on to someone quickly when they do not have good intentions. 

5. Express yourself genuinely in a relationship. When you are honest with another person about when you feel angry, when your boundaries feel violated, when you are uncomfortable you are being real. When you are real this is like a vaccination for heart predators. They want what they can get without much ado! People who do not have your best interest at heart don't stick when there is some work in the relationship. They are gone at the first sign of rough waters! Be happy that this happens! No one who ever left during a storm was someone who deserved you during the calm!

6. Know when to fold them! Do not hold onto someone for one more minute when you see the signs. There is not getting better. It doesn't get better. It will either die a slow excruciating and often humiliating death or your friends will eventually back away because you have become a hopeless cause. WALK AWAY! Rescue yourself. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Do not try and save someone who doesn't want to be saved not matter how much you sense they are their own worst enemy in a relationship. Be your own best friend. 

7. Lastly, BE KINDER to yourself. We all have moments of corrective learning opportunities. Love yourself more not less. Self centered is not the same as being selfish. Be selfish and LOVE yourself first. Truly loving another is about the inner love flowing out and over onto another person no what we can get from them. Forgive yourself for not being vigilant with your own well being.

Give yourself credit for surviving and thriving! Sometimes people are just really good at what they do and it was never about you. Like a plane crash just be awesomely grateful you survived and walked away! Get on with life and leave it all behind you. Life is to short to choose anything other than Love and Joy! Click here! 

Dr. Mary Kay Keller


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Powerful example of our neglect of Fathers in the research!



Do watch this amazing commercial from the Thai Tv! It is an amazing example of the disparity in mothering and fathering research. What we have to understand is that we have totally neglected fathers in our research on attachment and bonding during the last 100 years!


Think about it, what did we do when our little boys picked up dolls? We freaked out! Why? Because of our inane homophobic responses to boys playing with dolls, which were unfounded and ludicrous. Instead girls were allowed to play with dolls and then we react negatively and without compassion when a man doesn't know what to do with a crying baby? It's unfair! It is reverse sexism that harms the family unit and the father baby dyad.
 

Please do review the following and share freely. Together we can make a difference today! 
Here is my research article (written for the public) on fathers. Click here! 

Here is my power point research presentation on Fathers. Click here!  

I have been called a radical feminist to which I say yes. I believe in equality for all human beings. I believe now that I have seen the results of my own research that focusing  research exclusively on mothers and babies has placed too much of the responsibility for family outcomes (raising of children) to their own detriment as mothers and to the detriment of the of the relationships between father and their children. It is time to produce Best Practices for Fathering and support men in the workplace and at home being fathers! Not in competition with Mothering, side by side.

We will all benefit! Society will benefit!

Dr. Mary Kay Keller
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