Saturday, November 22, 2014

They myth of the absent father!

Found this amazing article on dads. It is a must read!
"Let’s dispense once and for all with the myth of fathers being absent, absent-minded, or absolutely clueless when it comes to childbirth. Nothing rivals witnessing the birth of your child,and while experiencing a newborn’s entry into the world is naturally different for mothers and fathers,it is, from an emotional perspective, equally intense. The love, the wonder, the joy that these 9 dads felt on seeing their babies born is … well, why don’t we let them speak for themselves."

Read more! CLICK HERE

Dr. Mary Kay Keller
 Get my book Hassle Free Bedtime here!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Wild Flowers in the Median: What is forgiveness?

Wildflowers in the Median a one act play about Restorative Justice
Click on this link to see the play.

The Book "Wildflowers in the Median"
Click on this link to buy the book!

My thoughts:
It's over for now. I was as much amazed by the people who came out to see the play of Wildflowers in the Median as I was amazed by those who did not. Life is often easier for people when they live in fantasy, the fantasy that life is safe and that bad things only happen to other people. It takes COURAGE to face the reality of life. It takes STRENGTH to be OPEN to our own VULNERABILITIES. It takes PERSERVERANCE to work through feelings of Pain and Grief. It takes RESILIENCE to learn to accept life on life's terms and continue the journey open to LOVE!

I woke up this morning processing the experience of the play. Time after time I heard Michael and Denevre expressing in their lines what it meant to grow up without a father. Then last night when the young woman in the audience spoke up about her own father being in prison and how they offered him fatherhood classes something fired up inside me. Being the introvert that I am I have to process before I speak out.

My dissertation research was a calling. I did not set out to research fathers. I set out to research the benefits of infant massage, touch. What I found in my extensive review of the literature on infant massage/touch and attachment/bonding was that we have researched for over 100 years mother and babies. We did not research fathers and their babies. We left fathers out of the equation assuming that because women carry the babies they were the only people to bond with the baby and the baby with them. This is not true. I know this is not true now.

After teaching 5 fathers to massage their babies, collecting their experiences (data) and analyzing it I have learned much about the relationship between fathers and their babies and even more about the emerging research on fathers. We have discovered that bonding is process that occurs through the five senses. That it happens at birth because oxytocin is released when the mother births that baby and it also occurs in father when they provide care-giving activities to their babies. We also have come to understand that the lack of research is because when we tried to research fathers researchers were using the same tools that had been developed with mothers to determine attachment in the child.

Furthermore, men often are not encourage to social into becoming fathers as women are when we are allowed to play with dolls and other care-giving activities as small children. Little boys have been made fun of if they desire to play with a doll or care for others. In my time they were referred to as sissies or fags, all erroneously based upon homophobia. Then when they grow up they are handed their first child and expected to know what to do.

Friday, November 7, 2014

My teen boys are physically fighting!

Dear Mary Kay,

Hi I have two teenage boys my oldest is 16 my other son is 15. The two of them get in arguments and it turns into a physical altercations. They punch each other in the face and also on their bodies. I'm not sure if  I should try breaking it up or just let them get it out of their systems. They are both very strong and very stubborn so I'm afraid if it keeps on happening one or both are going to get hurt very badly!!
Please help!! I need some advice.

Dear Amber,

Allowing violence in your home under any conditions is not advisable. They need to learn to manage their emotions and fighting is not an option to working things out. If they hit people outside your home they are going to be arrested for assault. If it is assault when it is not a family member how can it be okay to hit a sibling?